Written By: Lynne Cole – Therapist & Counsellor | Last Updated: April 2022
The purpose of therapy is to provide a safe place to express and experience any emotions that occur.
Many prospective clients hesitate, as usually it is inappropriate to express our deepest emotions to a near-stranger, so the idea of doing so with a therapist seems intimidating. Specifically, over the years I have seen that clients will often ask if it’s okay or normal to cry during therapy. Rest assured that it is, and there are multiple reasons why this is a good thing.
Does Everyone Cry in Therapy?
In my experience no, not everyone does, and it’s just as acceptable not to cry. You should express yourself in whatever way is most comfortable and suitable for you. That might involve crying, or it might not, and either way is fine. It’s all about what you need to do. Everyone reacts differently to stressful situations, and everyone’s reason for being in therapy in the first place is different too.
Don’t Be Afraid to Cry
Crying is a natural and normal reaction to strong emotions of many kinds. Sadness and fear are the most obvious ones, but extreme happiness also often causes crying, so if you make a breakthrough, it might happen even if it hasn’t when you dealt with harder topics. In my experience I have seen all the different types of crying before, and I won’t judge you.
Crying is perfectly normal if you’re going through therapy for any kind of trauma.
The stress-causing hormone cortisol is passed out of the body in tears, which calms you down. Tearful breakdowns often happen when a period of stress ends and you shift into recovering; during the stressful period you’re too busy trying to solve the problem, and once it’s over you no longer need the alertness cortisol provides.
Alternatively, it might happen when you’ve exhausted all options for solving the problem. Your tears can show people around you that you need help and reduce your stress so you can take a fresh look at the problem yourself. This is why repressing crying doesn’t usually help. Let it happen for as long as it needs to, and you’ll feel much better afterwards.
Some people avoid talking about their problems, for fear of being seen crying. This is especially a problem for men, who may see it as a sign of weakness. This simply isn’t true. Every healthy human feels emotions and needs to express them, and your friends and therapist have certainly cried about things too. They’ll understand.
Becoming Comfortable with Crying
It’s a good idea to become comfortable with crying through the process of therapy. Try making that the first thing you talk to the therapist about; tell them if you’re uncomfortable crying in front of them. They may have some tips to help. Even if you can’t cry in front of them, you may find it happens after a session. Ask if there’s a place you can go, like a restroom, to be in private if you need to be, or to recover before travelling home. Online therapy has an extra benefit here because you can go to your own room.
It may help to practise crying on your own. Find a secure, private location, such as your bedroom or bathroom. Try keeping the room dark or bringing a comfort object such as a toy or blanket, to relax and release inhibitions. If you can’t start crying on your own, listen to sad music, or read something sad.
In my experience crying can often leave people tired. If this is an issue for you, schedule your therapy sessions at the end of the day, or before some free time so you can recover in time to do everything else you need.
Why Don’t I Cry During Therapy?
As said above, over the years I’ve seen that not everyone does. It might be that the subject you’re discussing doesn’t push your emotional buttons in a way which makes you cry, or you might not be ready to cry about it yet. You may cry about it later when you’re alone, or not. There is no right or wrong way to feel; what matters is that you’re expressing and processing your emotions in a way which helps you to feel better.
A Safe Space to Cry
Therapy is a safe and comfortable setting to process difficult feelings. There is no need to be embarrassed or to suppress your normal, healthy reactions, and a good therapist will help you to do that.