Written by: Lynne Cole – Qualified Therapist | Published: March 2024
Helping Someone with Anxiety
Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time, but living with a constant sense of tension, fear or uneasiness could be a sign of an anxiety disorder.
According to Mind, 6 in 100 people in any given week will be diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, making it one of the most common mental health issues.
Anxiety can present itself in different ways, including social anxiety, phobias, panic disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. If you or someone you know is experiencing an anxiety disorder, it is important to use encouraging language rather making dismissive, demoralising comments.
This guide will explore the statements to use and to avoid when attempting to discuss anxiety with someone who may be struggling, as well as how you can provide support and encourage them to seek professional help.
What Not to Say to Someone with Anxiety
There are many people who believe that anxiety is not as bad as people make out. You may hear common phrases such as “there was no anxiety in my day,” or “people have become too soft,” when this is simply not the case.
Anxiety has existed since the dawn of time; the fight or flight response we associate with anxiety was prevalent in times where we fended off predators millions of years ago. Anxiety is an overactive response to perceived danger, and is nothing to be ashamed of.
When others are being dismissive of our anxious thoughts, it can make us feel isolated and foolish. Therefore, when speaking to someone with anxiety, it is important to be understanding, thoughtful, and you should never try to “cure” someone of their mental illness.
Harmful Statements and Their Effects
There are various examples of what not to say to someone with anxiety. Even though your heart may be in the right place, your attempts at providing comfort may actually have the opposite effect. Try to avoid statements such as:
“It could be worse”
People with anxiety are aware that their anxious thoughts are irrational, and telling them that matters could be worse could fuel their anxiety more. Anxious people tend to assume the worst case scenario, so saying they could have it worse may evoke feelings of guilt.
“You’ll be fine. Stop worrying. It’s not that bad”
One of the most common phrases said to someone experiencing anxiety is being told that they will be fine, and to stop worrying. Anxiety can trigger a fight or flight response, where rationality doesn’t take precedence in someone’s mind. Telling someone they’ll be fine won’t make them feel fine, and can actually be quite frustrating to hear. When someone is worrying, they wish to stop feeling the way they do, but it cannot be eradicated by someone telling them to stop.
“Just don’t think about it”
Intrusive thoughts are hard to shake when someone has anxiety. As much as they try, it can be incredibly difficult to stop thinking about the scenario or situation that is making them anxious. It can be hard to hear someone to tell you stop thinking about it, when that is exactly what you’re trying to do.
Other unhelpful phrases include:
Calm down
Just relax
Stop being stupid/silly
Just let it go
I get anxious too
It’s all in your head
Sensitivity and understanding are key when speaking to someone with anxiety. If you are worried about saying the wrong thing to someone with anxiety, you can encourage them to seek professional help.
How to Speak to Someone with Anxiety
You may be wondering what to say to someone with anxiety in ways that can help them, but it is easy to slip into unhelpful habits that can only make someone’s anxiety worse. Here are some ways in which you can speak to someone with anxiety:
“I’m here to support you”
People with anxiety don’t need you to give them the answers to curing them of their anxious thoughts, they just want to know that you’re there, judgement free.
“How can I help?”
They may not have an answer for you, but it’s comforting to know that someone you love is willing to help. When asking this question, be sure to listen to what they say and try to help them in any capacity you can. Maybe they want to be left alone, maybe they need you to run some errands for them. No matter what it is, providing a supportive ear can make all the difference.
“It’s okay to feel this way”
Having anxious thoughts can be incredibly tiring and stressful, so providing some validation can be incredibly important. Although you should encourage someone to seek help for their anxiety, you should help someone understand that they aren’t a bad person for feeling the way they are feeling.
“This feeling will pass”
They may not believe you, but letting someone know that their overwhelming feelings will pass with the right help and support could provide comfort. Most importantly, this statement is 100% true, especially if you push them in the right direction when looking for support.
Supporting Someone with Anxiety: Practical Tips
The most important thing to do when speaking to someone with anxiety is to be as supportive and understanding as you can. Be patient with your loved one; as hard as this may be for you to hear, it is much harder for the person experiencing anxious thoughts.
For example, you may be wondering what to say to someone with social anxiety; instead of telling them to “get out there” and “stop being silly,” ask how you can support them, and maybe suggest helping them with their social phobia by being there when they make phone calls or offer to venture out with them.
Sometimes, it helps to just listen and not provide any input at all. People with anxiety tend to bottle up their emotions, so having a non-judgemental ear who just listens could make all the difference.
You should also encourage your loved one to seek help from a professional who can help them understand more about their anxiety and develop ways to handle their anxious thoughts in a more manageable way. You can also find resources at Mind.
Conclusion: Building Understanding and Support
If you’re wondering what to say to someone with depression and anxiety, try and provide an empathetic ear without dismissing their feelings or attempting to “cure” them. Instead, try and support them and offer words of encouragement, and just lend an ear in harder times.
With the right support and encouragement, people with anxiety may feel more inclined to seek professional help themselves. It all starts at home, with a good support network and supportive family and friends.